These combat Heelys are a shammer’s dream

Many veterans turn combat boots into efficient sets of lawn-mowing footwear, but for one man, simply using battle brogans to work in the yard was not enough.

Once an enlisted Airman, the now-Space Force Capt. David Reed turned his ACU UCP boots into a wickedly fun mode of transportation: Combat Heelys.

Millennials will recall these roller-sneaks that made their debut during the mid-2000s — much to the dismay of teachers who were forced to chide kids for flying down hallways or parents who surely paid ER bills for unfortunate staircase incidents.

“When I was enlisted in maintenance, we had a long downhill sidewalk that went from our building to the parking lot,” Reed told Military Times. “A coworker suggested that it would be pretty cool to have some Heelys to get down to our cars faster.”

Reed took the idea to heart and hatched a plan, taking an old pair of boots, some used Heelys from eBay and a Dremel tool to hollow out space for the wheels.

“There was a combat dining-in at [Wright-Patterson], and typically for dining-ins, there are crazy costumes, throwback uniforms, squirt guns and stuff like that,” he said. “I figured it was a perfect time to finally make them and not get chewed out by a crusty master sergeant.”

It was time for his invention to shine.

“I laid out some decent suppressive fire with my super soaker, and we definitely got inside the enemy’s OODA loop due to the unanticipated mobility of our team,” he said.

After wearing the new-old pair around a while, Reed decided to make a second, more comfortable set, which will certainly get some use.

“It is pretty fun, but even more fun seeing people’s reactions,” Reed said. “Even the old guys can’t help cracking a smile.”

The innovative kicks may be an efficient way to be first in line at the DFAC, but Reed does admit that the pair would not serve as much of a force multiplier in actual combat.

“They are useless on regular ground and probably a safety hazard,” he added.