From Nerds to Gummy Worms to Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, we know what you really want in your bag this Hallowen.
But as we know, not all candies are created equal. So, to avoid an evening of disappointment while you dig around a plastic orange pumpkin (or pace the supermarket aisle on Monday) for something you think you will like, I’ve compiled a handy-dandy, not-at-all-scientific ranking of Halloween candy to guarantee something you will definitely like. Trust me, I’ve basically tried every single Hi-Chew flavour.
24: Candy Corn
Ewwww. When and why did this become a thing?
Probably left over from grandma’s Chinese New Year candy tray. No thanks.
22: Lotte Koala Biscuits
Sure, they’re cute, and this time of year, you can find them dressed in all sorts of Halloween gear. But let’s be clear: these are not candy! This a 4pm snack for after school. Hard pass.
21: Mysterious Halloween-themed foil chocolate
You never know with these foil-wrapped chocolates, do you? Sometimes they’re really good, and then other times, they’re one degree of separation away from industrial moulding wax. Don’t take the risk.
Snickers can never decide what they want to be, with nougat, crushed peanuts and caramel all mashed in there. No need for another identity crisis. Also, they get stuck in your teeth.
19: Trolli Sour Brite Crawlers (aka Gummy Worms)
Does anyone outside of the 7 to 10 year old demographic still eat these? I’m not sure. But points for effort: They always attempt a comeback each holiday season. Unfortunately, we can’t all be Mariah.
18: Welch’s Fruit Snacks
Hard pass for me, but a gummy’s a gummy. It’s “Made from Real Fruit”, so think of it as a gummy vitamin? Maybe it counts as one of the five a day?
17: Hershey’s Kisses
Maybe this is growing up, but these just don’t taste as good as they used to. (Note: The cookie and cream chocolate bars are a different story all together. Take those if they have ’em. Skip on anything else.)
Boring! I already enjoy as an everyday candy.
Same as above. This is Halloween. Aren’t these already in your regulation rotation?
Mars, the bringer of snores.
13: Nestle Crunch
Okay, now we’re getting somewhere. It’s essentially chocolate covered rice puffs. They’re okay! My office neighbour, Joey, said they were “yummy.”
Yeah, we can always appreciate a mini-size Maltesers. Good candy to snack on while you trick-or-treat for better ones.
11: Flake or Crunchie
These two kinda fade into the back of the 7-11 candy aisle — probably not helpful that I’ve lumped them together here — but justice for the Flake and Honeycomb! They’re different. They’re interesting. And most importantly, they’re good!
10. Kinder Chocolate
Luxe for a Halloween bag, but this really comes down to what kind of Kinder you get. The mini chocolate bar? Nah. The egg? Worth considering (not the lame half-and-half new edition though — boo!). But a Kinder Bueno? Big yesssss. Grab a couple more and run.
9: Meiji Almond Chocolate
Technically another candy imposter, but it’s Meiji chocolate. And with almonds? We’ll let these pass.
I love Nerds! No matter which flavour you get, you get a happy surprise. Taste of childhood!
Kit-Kat, a candy that encourages you to take a break, is always delicious. Bonus points to whoever throws in a Kit-Kat Chunky bar.
If you don’t know what a Puccho is, you shouldn’t have the luxury of picking and choosing your candy. Just saying.
5: Trolli Hamburger / Pizza Gummy
As one friend said to me, these are “Iconic”. I’ll probably get edits for using “iconic” (Editor’s note: I’m allowing it), but he’s right! These are so fun. Also, you HAVE to eat them separately. This isn’t an Alvy’s / Honbo hamburger pizza sitch. Anything else is chaotic energy and we can’t be friends.
4: Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups
Yes, yes, yes. Everyone loves a good Reese’s. Same as every year.
Twix is the best of all chocolate bars. No debates. I don’t care what you think. And if you really don’t agree, agree to pass your Twix to me, thanks.
Ah, the glorious, glorious Haribo. The sour coca-cola bottles are great, but you can’t beat the O.G. gummy bears. I’ll take the reds and greens.
If you know this year’s neighbourhood for a Hi-Chew haul, please let me know. Forget the $8 million lottery prize: This is the Halloween Candy Jackpot. There are no nasty flavours in the world of Hi-Chew, so I’d take them all.
Special Mention ⭐️ : Meiji Apollo Chocolate Strawberry Candy
Word on the street is that these are out on the Halloween market this year. They haven’t been a common candy loot, so if you manage to pick up one this year, honestly, good on you. And can we be friends?
Special Mention #2 ⭐️⭐️ : Ferrero Rocher
A unicorn! Super, super, super rare. Whoever gets a Ferrero wins Halloween this year.
Header image courtesy of Branden Skeli/ Unsplash
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