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Your own festive deer (or reindeer)

Every Tom, Dick and Harry has a pony who is readily wrapped up in rouge blankets come Christmastime as rides are offered down the country lanes. But why rope in a pony, when you could use a deer? One closer to the ultimate, a reindeer. Some of Britain’s largest estates (Houghton et al) are overrun with the animals, so why not put them to good use come Christmas – providing it is done in the safest possible way and it doesn’t pose a threat to the health or wellbeing of the animals.

Christmas decorations

Hand-painted ornaments are the way to go. The super-rich – and super well connected – are able to commission their friends. A David Hockney Christmas scene would surely be the Rolls-Royce of Christmas decorations – of course in his most distinctive style (so as to make it all the more immediately obvious at a first glance). Perhaps an Anthony Gormley up top or a brash and brazen Jeff Koons (now the most expensive living artist)?

The Queen delivers her annual Christmas day speechGetty Images

The banquet

For the christmas platter – it’s KellyBronze turkeys all the way, what the Guardian describe as the ‘pampered prince of the turkey world’ who live a life of leafy luxury eating additive-free grain, ahead of being served up on Christmas day. The vegetables – parsnips, red onion et al – will be provided by Oxford educated Guy Singh-Watson, the vegetable box pioneer behind Riverford Organic – a recent acquaintance of the Queen. Smoked salmon must come from the Harrods food hall – and so should the caviar.

The perfect Christmas outfit

Society’s elite don’t have a fairy upon their tree – rather they become that idyll themselves in layered, bountiful, bunched up silk. A serene vision vastly superior to a glittered ornament.

The Queen and Princess Margaret in the perfect Christmas day outfitGetty Images

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